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©Arlene R. Taylor, PhD

articles200408Your behaviors—at least initially—reflect your own family-of-origin issues. These include spoken and unspoken rules handed down, unidentified and/or unhealed woundedness, and layers of cellular memory from biological ancestors—plus all your own life experiences to date.

Low Spiritual Intelligence (or SI)—the spirit with which you live life—or low Emotional Quotient (EQ) does not serve you well in daily living. When both SI and EQ are low, it can be a real challenge to achieving healthy relationships or providing healthy leadership.

No surprise, buildingEQ skills goes faster when you know who you are. Not who someone else thinks you are or who you have been told you are—but who you really are innately. This includes figuring out activities that drain your energy as well as what your brain does easily and well.

Start by reading a story. Pay close attention to the main characters. Do their behaviors result in negative or positive outcomes? Once you can do that in a story, you can do that more easily in yourself.

Or you could begin by building AAA replacement behaviors and course-correcting the moment you recognize a JOT behavior. Find a healthy way to reward yourself every time you STOP before you start down the JOT highway.

Eight behaviors commonly linked with high EQ include an ability to:

  1. Identify, accurately label, assess level of intensity, and express emotions appropriately
  1.  Recognize what the emotion is trying to communicate
  1.  Articulate the difference between identifying an emotion and taking immediate action
  1. Identify and decode social cues, understanding the perspective of others regardless of agreement
  1.  Exhibit effective verbal and nonverbal skills
  1.  Manage your own feelings and moods successfully
  1. Delay gratification and exhibit good impulse control
  1.  Handle relationships effectively

Raising your Emotional Quotient requires a can-do mindset. Studies show that, by maintaining this mindset, your brain can literally rewire itself to facilitate that attitude.

What about EQ in the workplace? That’s in Part 7.