Q. Give me one reason to reparent myself!

A. You only want one reason? [Smile] My brain's opinion is that you reparent yourself so you can exhibit behaviors that represent optimum functionality. You role model all the time, anyway, whether or not you realize that. If you fail to do this consciously you likely are exhibiting subconsciously absorbed attitudes, beliefs, and expectations from childhood, often those that you absorbed prior to the age of three. Some of these are likely dysfunctional (e.g., fail to give you positive outcomes on a consistent basis).

Beyond that, reparenting may be the most unselfish legacy you can pass along to the next generation. The best gift you can give to your children and to others is to take care of yourself, identify and deal with your issues, complete unfinished business, recover from losses, grow up emotionally, and become an actualized, differentiated adult who consistently role models desirable and functional behaviors. That's reparenting. Learning to treat yourself as you would have wanted to be treated had your careproviders been able to offer high-level care and role modeling. Undoubtedly they did the best they could with what they knew at the time. Most people do. That doesn't mean, however, that what they actually were able to provide was healthy, functional, nurturing, or desirable.

This is not about blame. It is about taking responsibility for yourself, your personal growth and development, your identification and recovery from less-than optimal care giving, and what you are role modeling to others. Remember, life is a process. How many years does the average parent parent a child? Eighteen, at least, and in some sense for as long as the parent is alive. Likewise, reparenting yourself is an ongoing process. You are the only person who will be with you your entire lifetime. Such a deal! Make the process one of practicality as well as joy. Be your own best friend.