Forgiveness - Forgiving

When you give the gift of forgiveness to yourself or to others, it’s primarily for you and not for others. Forgiveness can be one of the most difficult concepts to grasp. Even definitions differ. One of the best definitions I’ve heard was attributed to Oprah Winfrey: Forgiveness is to accept the fact that the past can’t change. That definition may also help to explain why forgiveness is one of the most difficult and at the same time one of the greatest gifts to give. [Source]

Negative feelings (e.g., recrimination, resentment, remorse) can occupy the brain. Forgiveness simply acknowledges that no debt exists. This is a gift people need to give themselves and others. (Cousins, Norman, MD (honorary). Head First. NY: Penguin Books, 1989, p 110-112)

Studies have shown that the one who forgives, benefits more than the one who is forgiven. Forgiving is a sensible choice, for avoiding painful living, reducing tension and depression, and developing a peaceful normal life by gradual change. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but it is also not a once in a life time event. It is a skill and an attitude that only creates good will. It begins with your feelings of pain (for which you have a right) and the understanding that the incident was and will remain unfair. In forgiving, you have a right to give up your anger as an act of mercy even though the perpetrator may not deserve mercy. The motivation for forgiving is that you should feel better by healing your suffering. [Source]

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, a way to stop harboring destructive feelings that sap health and happiness. The act of forgiving allows the body to turn down the manufacture of catabolic chemicals, and instructs the subconscious to banish negative feelings from your mind. When you say, “I forgive you” you’re also saying, “I want to be healthy.” This will impact your communication. Forgiveness has little to do with others and everything to do with you. (Fox, Arnold, MD, and Barry Fox, PhD. Wake Up! You’re Alive! FL: Health Communications, 1988, pp 102-107)

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness, and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse


According to Rick Ingrasci MD, when you forgive someone (and this includes yourself), many clearly positive psychological physiological changes take place (e.g., feel warm and more relaxed, sigh and breathe more easily, blood pressure and heart rate drop). If you were angry at a friend, you may remember that you care about this person, which may be why their behavior hurt so much in the first place. (Padus, Emrika. Executive Editor. The Complete Guide to Your Emotions and Your Health. p 85. PA:Rodale Press, Inc, 1992)

Forgiveness improves family relationships, decreases depressive symptoms, enhances empathy and life satisfaction, and it can heal a wounded romantic heart. (Newberg, Andrew, MD., and Mark Robert Waldman. How God Changes Your Brain. p 208-209. NY: Random House Inc, 2009)

As long as we wish things had been different with our parents, we continue to blame them for the hurts we think we have suffered in life. We cannot be free as long as we are imprisoning ourselves and our parents with our grievances. It is only through forgiveness that we can experience our own freedom and theirs as well. (Jampolsky, Gerald G., MD. Out of Darkness Into the Light. p 158-160 NY: Bantam Books, 1989)

A child learns to blame by being criticized. Of course he wants to shift the blame onto someone or something else. Blaming others or external circumstances for one’s behavior is an attempt to divert the pain. You blame to reduce the critical guilt messages, you blame when you are afraid to accept yourself as imperfect, you blame in an attempt to try and discharge discomfort and pain. (Viscott, David, MD. Emotional Resilience. p 184-185, 210. NY: Crown Publishing Group, 1996.)

When we blame ourselves, we feel guilty and ashamed. When we hold on to blaming someone else, we experience resentment. The damage persists long after the situation has passed. (Borysenko, Joan, PhD. Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. p 168-170. NY: A Bantam Book, 1988.)

If you blame others, you fear being imperfect. Refusing to accept blame for your actions is an indication that you’re afraid to appear weak or flawed. (Viscott, David, MD. Emotional Resilience. p 59-60. NY: Crown Publishing Group, 1996.)

Forgiveness is the ability to release from the mind past hurts, failures, sense of guilt, and loss. You accept responsibility for your own perceptions, realizing they are a choice and not an objective fact. It does not condone negative inappropriate behavior in any person or pretending everything is okay when it isn’t. (Hafen, Brent Q., et al. Mind/Body Health. MA: Simon & Schuster, 1996, p 390)

Forgiveness is one of the most compassionate things a person can do. Many tend to think of forgiveness as an act of kindness that we choose to give to some people who seem to deserve it, yet withhold this gift from others who seem undeserving and unrepentant. This gives us a significant sense of power. Forgiveness actually has nothing whatsoever to do with other people.  It has everything to do with the person giving forgiveness. It is a decision that we make for ourselves. [Source]

What does it mean to forgive? The answer is widely assumed to be self-evident but critical analysis quickly reveals the complexities of the subject. Forgiveness has traditionally been the preserve of Christian theology, though in the last half century—and at an accelerating pace—psychologists, lawyers, politicians and moral philosophers have all been making an important contribution to questions about and our understanding of the subject. Anthony Bash offers a vigorous restatement of the Christian view of forgiveness in critical dialogue with those both within and without the Christian tradition. Forgiveness is a much more complicated subject than many theologians recognize. Bash explores the relevance of the theoretical discussion of the topic to recent events such as the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa, post-Holocaust trials, the aftermath of 9/11 and July 7 and various high-profile criminal cases. (Bash, Anthony. Forgiveness and Christian Ethics. University of Durham. 2007. ISBN:9780521878807

Forgiveness is an option. Revenge chains victims and offenders to the wrongdoing, with both parties hopelessly stuck on a merry-go-round of pain where each takes turns hurting the other. “If we all live by the law, an eye-for-an-eye,” cautioned Gandhi, “soon the whole world will be blind.” As a Christian ethic, if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14,15. (Obrien, J. Randall. Forgiveness: Taking the Word to Heart. The Center for Christian Ethics at Baylor University, 2001. [Source]

The secret to mastering forgiveness is learning how to do it all the way. When you apply half a cup of forgiveness to a three-gallon problem, that won’t really do the job. Compromised forgiveness means that somewhere, somehow or another, the effort was incomplete. It’s like pulling out a thorn while a little bit of the tip stays in. That final bit has to work itself out later. And when it does, you’ll discover that there’s more to forgive. Without completion, it’s hard for the gifts of true forgiveness to be bestowed. (Childre, Doc, and Howard Martin. The Heartmath Solution. p 122-128. CA: Harper San Francisco, 1999)

Forgiveness appears to be beneficial to your heart. A study on “The effects of a forgiveness intervention on patients with coronary artery disease” (published in Psychology & Health) assessed the effects of a psychology of forgiveness pilot study on anger-recall stress induced changes in myocardial perfusion, forgiveness, and related variables. Patients assigned to the forgiveness group showed significantly fewer anger-recall induced myocardial perfusion defects from pre-test to the 10-week follow-up as well as significantly greater gains in forgiveness from pre-test to post-test and from pre-test to follow-up compared to the control group. Forgiveness intervention may be an effective means of reducing anger-induced myocardial ischemia in patients with coronary artery disease. [Source]

Research has shown that victims of violent crime and war who can forgive their perpetrators have decreased anxiety and depression. Those who cannot forgive are more inclined toward psychiatric disease. (Newberg, Andrew, MD., and Mark Robert Waldman. How God Changes Your Brain. p 206-207. NY: Random House Inc, 2009)

Forgiveness means to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt. (Oxford English Dictionary)

Forgiveness means accepting the core of every human being as the same as yourself and giving them the gift of not judging them. You can be clear about whether or not a person’s behavior is acceptable and you can set your own personal boundaries without judging the individual. The Eastern greeting Namaste is similar in meaning to Hebrew and Hawaiian greetings, meaning “the self in me honors and salutes the self in you. Let go of your judgments and give yourself and others the gift of being who they are, accepting them for what they are, instead of rejecting them for not meeting your expectations. (Borysenko, Joan, PhD. Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. p 177-181. NY: A Bantam Book, 1988.)

Negative feelings (e.g., recrimination, resentment, remorse) can occupy the brain. Forgiveness is simply acknowledging that no debt exists. This is a gift people need to give themselves and others. (Cousins, Norman, MD (honorary). Head First. p 110-112. NY: Penguin Books, 1989.)

Forgiving means letting go of your hurt. Without doing this you cannot grow. People often keep their pain alive to show the world how badly treated they were. They damage themselves the most by doing this. You cannot correct or alter what has been done to you. Forgiving does not mean you have to be friends with the people who hurt you. It only means that you no longer allow your old hurt to cause you to suffer. If you are holding on to your hurt to show others that they injured you, you are wasting your life. If you expect others to apologize for hurting you and wait until they do, you will suffer for a long time. Let go. Forgive and move on. (Viscott, David, MD. Emotional Resilience. p 38-39. NY: Crown Publishing Group, 1996.)

Forgiveness means letting go of any debt the person owe you and giving up any attempt to retaliate for the harm they have done to you. It means letting go of resentment and surrendering your right to get even. (Sell, Charles. Unfinished Business. p 124-125. CO: Multnomah Press. 1989)

Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better physical and emotional health. (Everett L. Worthington Jr., PhD, Campaign Director, A Campaign for Forgiveness research.

Forgiveness can be thought of as a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. [Source]

Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. (American Psychological Association. Forgiveness: A Sampling of Research Results. 2006. Sapients.Net Forgiveness: A Article on Forgiveness". 2011.

Through forgiveness, a person can convert suffering into new energy to move forward. It partly depends on choice and partly on compassion. It releases trapped energy for use elsewhere. (Cooper, Robert K., PhD., and Ayman Sawaf. Executive EQ. NY: Grosset/Putnam, 1997, pp 74-75)

Forgiveness can free up and put to better use the energy that was formerly consumed by holding grudges. It is moving on, something you do for YOU. (Simon, Sidney B., PhD, and Suzanne Simon. Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life. p 14, 18-20. MA: Grand Central Publishing, 1991.)

Hold thoughts of forgiveness in your mind as often as possible. In muscle testing, when you hold a thought of revenge, you’ll go weak, while a thought of forgiveness keeps you strong. Revenge, anger, and hatred are exceedingly low energies. A simple thought of forgiveness toward anyone who may have angered you in the past, without any action taken on your part, will raise your energy. (Dyer, Wayne, PhD. The Power of Intention. p 81. CA: Hay House, Inc., 2004.)

Refer to Energy and the Brain for additional information.

Forgiving others means that we will not do or say anything to get even or show resentment for the wrongs done to us.  It also means that we try to put them behind us and not recall them whenever we see the offender. It means that we hope eventually to remember them for the good things and good times. But it is impossible to forget the past. (Sell, Charles. Unfinished Business. p 144-146. CO: Multnomah Press. 1989)

Did you know that is order to be able to genuinely forgive others you must first learn to forgive yourself? Self-forgiveness means taking a nonjudgemental stance in your own thoughts and actions, knowing that being human means you are allowed to make mistakes and can learn from them. Forgiveness is immensely beneficial but never easy and it takes time. It requires reconditioning of one’s thinking and unlearning a justice-seeking (e.g., revenge) mindset, replacing ill-feelings with feelings of love and compassion. The past cannot be changed but, by forgiving, you can change the future. [Source]

There can be no future without forgiveness. Nations, as well as individuals, need to forgive others for past exploitation and suppression. The best example of forgiveness in the 20th century is probably Nelson Mandela. He chose the path of forgiveness and reconciliation rather than the policy of revenge and vindictiveness—and this after being incarcerated for 27 years, the longest serving political prisoner in the world at that time. (Kendall, R. T. Total Forgiveness. p xii-xiii. FL: Charisma House, 2007)

In 1998 the John Templeton Foundation awarded research grants to 29 scholars to study forgiveness. One of the primary discoveries from the studies was this: the person who gains the most from forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving. Even if there is no reconciliation, even though the offender may be dead, there still may be total forgiveness. (Kendall, R. T. Total Forgiveness. p 10-11. FL: Charisma House, 2007)

Forgiveness is the key to happiness and peace of mind. Most people miss the real point of forgiveness. It’s more than forgiving someone for having done something you disagreed with. You’ve got to forgive yourself for your misconception of that person, for judging that person and not seeing them as a loving human being. And that relieves guilt. (Padus, Emrika. Executive Editor. The Complete Guide to Your Emotions and Your Health. p 431. PA: Rodale Press, Inc, 1992)

Forgiveness is now taking its place as an important issue in healthcare. Forgiveness research is relatively new, but it has grown exponentially over the past decade. The studies have shown that there is not just a psychology underlying forgiveness but a physiology as well.Forgiveness is good for one’s health! A society that cannot forgive loses its heart; a civilization devoid of forgiveness may eventually cease to exist.Studies have found that when giving the gift of forgiveness, altruistic motives hold greater benefits than do self-interested motives. [Source]

Failing or refusing to forgive can prevent you from doing and becoming all you could be. Carrying pain from the past into the present is debilitating. It can also saddle you with a variety of problems including:

  • Physical ailments and illnesses
  • Addictions and compulsive behaviors
  • Relationship problems
  • Job burnout
  • Negativity
  • Child abuse and/or domestic violence
  • Ineffective parenting
  • Lethargy and depression

(Simon, Sidney B., PhD, and Suzanne Simon. Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life. p 43-44. MA:Grand Central Publishing, 1991.)

Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments. (Everett L. Worthington Jr., PhD, Campaign Director, A Campaign for Forgiveness research.

Holding a grudge (refusing to forgive) can lead to illnesses ranging from common colds to heart disease. Dr. Sandi Mann, a psychologist at the University of Central Lancashire, believes there is a strong link between your emotions and your immune system. Forgiveness works. Let the past be past—at last. (Kendall, R. T. Total Forgiveness. p 194-196. FL: Charisma House, 2007)

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance, If you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge—or embrace forgiveness and move forward. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. It can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. [Source]

Forgiveness is one of the trickiest power tools there is. In the long run, remember it’s not a question of whether someone deserves to be forgiven. You’re doing it for yourself. Forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option you face and the only one that will foster health and well-being. It frees you from the toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let villains live rent-free in your head. Forgiveness means that you’ve decided not to let the pain keep festering inside. Forgiveness is a powerful yet challenging tool that will support and honor you, even in the most extreme circumstances. (Childre, Doc, and Howard Martin. The Heartmath Solution. p 122-124. CA: HarperSanFrancisco, 1999)

Choosing not to forgive offers you some illusions or payoffs. For example, the illusion that if such-and-such hadn’t happened you’d have a perfect life. Forgiveness is actually an internal process, a by-product of an ongoing healing process. It is letting go of the intense emotions attached to negative events in the past, recognizing that you no longer need your anger and self-pity, accepting that nothing you do to punish others will heal you, no longer wanting to punish those who hurt you, freeing up and putting to better use the energy that was formerly consumed by holding grudges. It is moving on, something you do for YOU. (Simon, Sidney B., PhD, and Suzanne Simon. Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life. p 14, 18-20. MA: Grand Central Publishing, 1991.)

You may have inherited a family tradition of anger and bitterness, but you don’t have to pass it on to your children and grandchildren. Forgiveness is not for wimps. It’s hard work. At the same time, it can offer untold rewards. You are not obliged to forgive. It is a choice. By the same token others are not obliged to forgive you simply because you asked them to. If you are willing to use the forgiveness process, you, the forgiver, may benefit most of all. (Enright, Robert D., PhD. Forgiveness is a Choice. p 5, 28, 37 Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001)

Forgiveness is not a single action that you begin and complete in a short time. Forgiveness is a multi-layered process and a long journey where we slowly progress and move towards the goal. According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, there are three levels of forgiveness. Even if someone has hurt one, the Talmud explains that one is expected to find the strength to forgive the person at least on the first level. Absence of any forgiveness whatsoever is a sign of cruelty. Wishing badly on someone and the desire for revenge represents a weakness of personality that requires rectification. [Source]

If we really want to love we must learn how to forgive. People ask me what advice I have for a married couple struggling in their relationship. I always answer: pray and forgive. And to young people from violent homes, I say pray and forgive. And again even to the single mother with no family support: pray and forgive. [Source]

You may be the person who did the deed and needs to be forgiven. The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You're human, and you'll make mistakes. If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done, consider admitting it to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically ask for forgiveness without makiJng excuses. You can't force someone to forgive you, however. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. [Source]

Forgiveness of our parents comes when we clear away the cobwebs in our minds, when we allow ourselves to see our anger and pain and then let go of it, knowing there is no value in maintaining our attachment to these feelings. Forgiveness is not a matter of feeling superior, of feeling sorry for our parents because they didn’t know any better. It comes when we understand that as humans we all do the best we can, and we can’t ask for more than that. Forgiveness is making the choice to find no more value in anger. (Jampolsky, Gerald G., MD. Out of Darkness Into the Light. p 174-176. NY: Bantam Books, 1989)

Some studies have focused on what kind of person is more likely to be forgiving. A longitudinal study showed that people who were generally more neurotic, angry, and hostile in life were less likely to forgive another person even after a long time had passed. Specifically, these people were more likely to still avoid their transgressor and want to enact revenge upon them two and a half years after the transgression. (Maltby, J., Wood, et al. (2008). Personality predictors of levels of forgiveness two and a half years after the transgression. Journal of Research in Personality, 42, 1088-1094)

There are sequential steps to forgiveness that could be helpful in your brain’s process of deciding to forgive. Guidelines are given by Robert D. Enright PhD in his book FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE - A step-by-step process for resolving anger & restoring hope. According to the author, guidelinesfor forgiving consist of four phases: uncovering your anger; deciding to forgive; working on forgiveness; discovery and release from emotional prison. The time of healing may vary from person to person and from case to case, with more time required for greater hurt and injustice. It is a process. Avoid discouragement if anger and hurt resurface again. Work the process, preferably with the help of a support person who is experienced in forgiveness. (Book review by Vijai K. Sharma.)

The process of forgiveness includes six stages:

  1. Clearly stating actual wrong
  2. Define the debt incurred
  3. Transfer debt to your Higher Power
  4. Mark debt “paid in full”
  5. Absorb cost for your healing
  6. Live forgiveness in everyday life


Forgiveness can lead to reconciliation if the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value and both parties want the relationship. That isn't always the case, however. Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Remember that you decide whether or not you want to associate with the individual. Still, forgiveness is possible even if reconciliation isn't. And forgiveness can remove the power the other person continues to wield in your life. [Source]

Did you know that unresolved resentment is dangerous and can take a huge toll on your health? Internationally renowned cardiologist, Herbert Benson said, "There's something called the physiology of forgiveness. Being unable to forgive other people's faults is harmful to one's health.” Multiple studies have linked the inability or unwillingness to forgive with health hazards such as increased blood pressure, cardio-vascular disease, and immune suppression. A Duke University Medical Centre study showed a decrease in back pain and depression, and lower levels of chronic pain in people who learned to forgive. [Source]

Unforgiving resentment is like a bulldog that clenches the teeth of memory into the past and refuses to let go (David Augsburger). Revenge glues us to the past and it dooms us to repeat it (Lewis Smedes). Anger is like a fluid that builds up in our inner psychic storage tanks. If it doesn’t escape somehow, the pressure can inflict internal damage—high blood pressure, migraine headaches, ulcers, diarrhea, constipation, or worse. (Sell, Charles. Unfinished Business. p 124-125. CO: Multnomah Press. 1989)

Forgiveness begins with acknowledging that you have a right to be treated with respect. Forgiveness is not about denying your feelings or pretending you have not been hurt. To forgive, you need to admit that you’ve been hurt and that you have the right to feel restful, angry, or hurt. And you don’t have to forget to forgive. Forgiveness will not produce amnesia. Think of forgiving as an act of mercy toward an offender. Often the individual may not necessarily even deserve the act of mercy. Forgiveness is a gift given to someone who doesn’t deserve it. (Enright, Robert D., PhD. Forgiveness is a Choice. p 23-28. Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001)

According to Margaret Holmgren, a philosopher at Iowa State University, the one who forgives shows self-respect. This is because the forgiver refuses to continue to be controlled by bitterness over the injustice. The forgiver is free from the burden of anger and resentment regardless of whether or not the offender chooses to change. In forgiving, the forgiver can make it clear that what was done was wrong, it should never have happened, and it will not be tolerated in the future. (Enright, Robert D., PhD. Forgiveness is a Choice. p 37-39. Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001)

Forgiveness rules your self-esteem. When you don’t forgive you hold a self-destructive grudge. Forgiveness creates self-acceptance. You accept that you have weaknesses and you don’t need to conceal them. Instead you use your awareness of your shortcoming to be sure you do your best. You know you can fail but realize that no single failure can define your worth as a person. When you are at peace with yourself you can accept your limitations without condemning yourself. You treat past experiences and events of the present as independent events and you learn from everything rather than feeling cheated when something goes wrong. (Viscott, David, MD. Emotional Resilience. p 283-284. NY: Crown Publishing Group, 1996.)

Forgiveness is a skill. The more you do it the better you become at doing it. It is also a moral virtue and an attitude of goodwill. Approach the process with an attitude of willingness and receptivity to allowing the process of forgiveness to work itself out. Avoid trying to force or control the process. Just let it happen. (Enright, Robert D., PhD. Forgiveness is a Choice. p 74, 135. Washington, DC: APA Life Tools, 2001)

The process of forgiveness includes six stages:

  1. Clearly stating actual wrong
  2. Define the debt incurred
  3. Transfer debt to your Higher Power
  4. Mark debt “paid in full”
  5. Absorb cost for your healing
  6. Live forgiveness in everyday life

(Sanford, Timothy L, MA. I Have to be Perfect. p 117-127. CO: Llama Press, 1998.)

Dr. Robert Enright, University of Wisconsin, Madison, is considered to be the initiator of forgiveness studies. He founded the International Forgiveness Institute and developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness. (Enright, Robert, D., PhD.  Forgiveness is a Choice, American Psychological Association, 2001 ISBN 1-55798-757-2)

Forgiveness of the big things takes time. You will come to new understanding, even as you try to forgive. Through heart discrimination you may realize that the people you feel resentment for might have been doing the best they could at the time they did you wrong. Undoubtedly there are times that you’ve done something that somebody else had trouble forgiving. Try to see things more neutrally, without emotional prejudice, to reach a deeper understanding. (Childre, Doc, and Howard Martin. The Heartmath Solution. p 122-123. CA: HarperSanFrancisco, 1999)

Letting go of resentments and regrets is a way of freeing ourselves from the past. It’s finishing up old business. We can only really enjoy the present when all our energy is available to be in the moment rather than tied up in the threads of unfinished business. (Borysenko, Joan, PhD. Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. p 174-176. NY: A Bantam Book, 1988.)

You need to release the past and forgive everyone in order to be healed, even if that just means forgiving others for not being the way you wanted them to be. (Hay, Louise L. You Can Heal Your Life. p 13-15. CA: Hay House, Inc., 1984.)

It can take some work to find a place in your heart for forgiveness. As difficult as it is to forgive someone else, it’s sometimes much harder to forgive yourself. Turn the power of your love inward if you need to. Ask yourself if you’re holding any grudges against yourself. Whatever they might be, find a way to forgive them. Forgiving another person is going only halfway, if you keep part of the blame for yourself. (Childre, Doc, and Howard Martin. The Heartmath Solution. p 125-126. CA: Harper San Francisco, 1999)

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