Realizations Inc

©Arlene R. Taylor PhD      Realizations Inc

In a first partnering the brain often selects for wholeness (e.g., is attracted to a brain with opposite strengths). Understanding this can reduce the human tendency to later become disparagingly critical of these differences.

Sometimes the brain is attracted to another brain whose innate giftedness is in a similar or adjacent mode. This may occur in a subsequent partnering, in a same-gender partnering, or when the female in a heterosexual partnering has a right frontal brain lead.

Question: In which mode have you each built your highest number of skills? If they differ, are your skills built in adjacent modes or in opposite modes? This may not represent innate giftedness, however, just developed skills.

Question: In which division do you have your “innate energy-advantage?” If your innate brain leads differ, are your brain leads in adjacent modes or in opposite modes?

Differing Brain Leads

If you have differing brain leads, each partner will bring skills to the relationship that are energy-efficient for one person but energy-intensive for the other, and vice versa.

Recognize that it can require significantly higher amounts of brain energy to complete tasks that use functions from nonpreferred modes. It can also be less rewarding so the brain tends to procrastinate these tasks.

It is important to identify each person’s most energy-intensive mode and develop options for handling tasks that utilize it. Otherwise one partner (typically the individual who is carrying the stereotypical “female” tasks) may consciously or subconsciously be expected to complete tasks that the other person doesn’t like or finds energy intensive. Over time the energy drain can lead to exhaustion and relationship problems.

Identical Brain Leads

If partners have brain leads in a similar mode, this can result in partners being best friends as well as partners. However, BOTH partners will dislike the same types of tasks (e.g., find them increasingly energy exhausting).

Identify the tasks that tend to require the greatest energy expenditures for both of you (e.g., usually they will derive from the mode opposite from your innate brain lead). Ask, “Does this task have to be done at all?

• If no, stop doing it.
• If yes, can it be hired out or traded with someone else?
• If yes, and it cannot be hired out or traded out, divide these energy-efficient tasks between partners so one doesn’t become disproportionately fatigued and dissatisfied with the relationships. When possible, turn the tasks into a game and do them jointly. It will still require more energy but there may be less frustration and discontent.

Use this information as a starting point for discussion. Refer to Practical Applications "Brain Lead" for additional information.